life

oh man.....God is a good God..
keep me in your prayers if you dont mind...thanks alot

mountain climbing

isent it amazing how busy life can get alot of the time.?.....

i havent written a new blog in along time.....but i know that alittle break from it did me some good....but i think i am ready to write again....for myself..and whom ever wants to read some random thoughts....

God is TOO amazing....(sighs and thinks)....just when i think that i have reached a top of a mountain....God takes me by the hand and points out the next thing that i have to climb...or brings me into a valley and says, "look up thier honey...you see this really huge scary dangerous mountain.....we going there next."....what do you say to the God who created the universe...i have tried saying NO...but that never never works.....He just picks me up and starts walking straight for it....AHHHH.....its some of the best times cause i have to rely completly on His strength or i would fall straight down.....but its also scary cause sometimes i dont trust myself all that much...or i trust MYSELF way to much and i get prideful.....and falling down off a mountain hurts...especially when you have to climb up again.........but what i like about God is that He waits so paiently for us to come to Him.......He doesnt get frusterated with our lack of experience....He just kisses the boo boo's better and gives us alittle push.....as many times as we need it.........How do you say NO to the creator of the universe?......YOU CANT...cause He will wait till your ready to say Yes...cause you will have no YOU strenght left so you will have to say YES for Him to help you up ....In HIS power....

the door

well i havent posted a new post in along time now....but thats ok cause i have been marinating on some new thoughts and have been getting some new revalations and now i am finally ready to post them...

i was reading through esther cause God and i are doing alittle study on the life of her....and man what an amazing story....one thing that i want to focus on in this post is the entering of the throne room.....because i think that relates so much in my life...even though the king that we serve isent going to kill us if we werent invited.....but i was thinking...sometimes its not the fear of getting killed that holds us back from the Kings presence like esther...but its our sins and our misconceptions of God.....cause i know that there are times when i am about to enter in to His presence, His throne room and i get scared or i hold back because of things that i have done...and i get thoughts that i am not worthy to enter...but all along God is calling out for us to come in and spend time with Him in the Holy of Holys....
so it got me thinking....why would God put a door on the throne room...(in my mind there is a door)..and i felt Him speak cause we have to decide....we have to make the motion to come in...we have to push the door open and take that step of faith ....and the door kinda represents all of our sin and misconceptions....cause we have to push past those things to enter into the the throne room where our Kings waits for us....and what makes me sad is that so many christians now adays settle for standing outside the door....cause they think they dont have enough strength to push past thier hurts and screw ups....and maybe if they stand at the door long enough they might get a glimpse of the King.....i dont want just a glimpse...i want to sit and laugh with him...i want to touch His face and hold His hand.....and thats why we got to fight......and we also have to help out our fellow brothers and sisters....we have to help them push the door open....so that they can be free......and if you feel that there is no one else around you to help open the door....you have a very capable King that if you call out to Him....He will come and help you....we need to get past the doors in our lifes.....and stop making excuses for why dont....He's waiting friends..

wanting to be blue

Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by good people and they are your friends and everything but for some reason you still stood out?...like you were different and couldnt really relate to the blue people around you..?..you feel left out cause they are all blue and you are yellow...and your at a place where you go to extra lenghts to try to become blue...to fit in?..but no matter what you do your still yellow?...doesnt it break your heart cause dont you think that people should just love you because you are yellow?...and dont you think that because they are such good people and good friends of yours that they wouldnt want you to try to be anything else other than the yellow person that you are?....i am confused..why do i want to be blue God?.

secret place

come with me...come with me to the secret place..in there we can spend time with the King...take all your worries and all your conserns and we can bring them to the King in the secret place...He is waiting for us to come...dont wait just come...if we spend time in the secret place the King will show us things and give us the desirers in our hearts...and heal us and restore and re strenghten us ..and even show us dreams..its amazing...all we have to do is just go there and we can tell Him anything we want...we can tell Him about our bad days or if we messed up really bad and if we need someone to cry with He will be there...He'll just pick us up and let us cry until we are done...He loves meeting us in the secret place...i am beginning to think that it is His favorite place...im going there now..you wanna come along?.

just a little longer

A LITTLE LONGER

what can i do for you?
what can i give to you?
what kind of song would you like me to sing?
cause i'll dance a dance for you
i'll pour out my love to you
what can i do for you beautiful King?

Cause i cant thank you enough
I cant thank you enough

what can i do for you?
what can i give to you?
what kind of song would you like me to sing?
cause i'll dance a dance for you
i'll pour out my love to you
what can i do for you beautiful King?

Cause i cant thank you enough
I cant thank you enough

Then i hear you sing to me
you dont have to do a thing
simply be with me and let those things go
cause they can wait another minute
wait this moment is too sweet please stay here with me
and love on me a little longer
cause i'm in love with you..

Written by: Jenn Johnson

oh man...everyone needs...NO HAS to hear this song....you will weep...cause the spirit of God is in this song..His love comes out and just wraps you up...He is so madly in love with me...and He longs just for me to come and sit with him...and love on Him...He doesnt want me to do anything for Him...He doesnt want me to make a dance for Him or sing Him a certain song or make something....He just wants me to love on Him...cause He is so madly in love with me...He just wants to sit and whisper into my ear blessings and life...He has done everything for me...and He doesnt even want anything in return other than JUST MY LOVE??...its so insence....HE died and all HE wants as thanks is MY love??!..i am just a broken little vessel!...all He wants is MY love....He died for my love...so that i could love Him and so that He could love me....i need to go and be alone for awhile.. :'(...

God why dont you ever give up on me???....why arent you like everyone else??....your love is so intence...and strong....dont you see that i dont have it all together?...that i am not strong?..i mess up all the time....dont you see all the times that i reject you?...all the times where i throw your love back in your face?....i dig my own holes and you still want to help me out of them............i dont understand this love...its not like anything else.....

deep calls out to deep

last night i was really struggling with alot of things...thoughts and feelings....i had a long talk with naomi...and she really challeged me to do things that i dont want to cause they are hard....so was in this state of brokeness i guess you could say...but then God gave me this vision...it was so wierd but good at the same time...
no its weird...
its like i am froze in the middle of a war... matrix style...but with a saving private ryan war theme blood is dripping from me...and the enemy is surrounding me....but i am in the moment where we are all frozen..i just want to go to the hospital...or fall on the ground and pretend that i am dead.....you know whycause i am tired of my gun backfiring in my face....i am tired of seeing my fellow friends fall and die....i am tired of tripping on the barbed wire.....i hate the smell of mud...and my lungs are are burning from the gas......i see them coming....they all have guns and knifes.......poisoned with doubt and feari have never made it this far in before.....and sure i have some memory verse medals...and a praying for people star......but what good is that in this moment....its just as covered in mud as the shoes that cover my feet there is no glory in this war....there is no glory in this war for me.......its 100000000 to one....theres no one to fight this for me...but then all of a sudden this white horse is seen on the horizon .....it is blazing with fire.....it the rider seems to be yelling something as it moves closer....i can start to make out words i can hear it clearly now.. I PAID TO HIGH OF A PRICE TO LET YOU BE ALONE IN THIS BATTLE....THE BATTLE IN MINE SAYS THE LORD....YOU DO NOT BATTLE WITH FLESH AND BLOOD BUT WITH PRINCIPALITIES OF DARKNESS...AND I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU TO LONG TO LET YOU FALL TO THE HANDS OF THEM....I PAID TO HIGH OF A PRICE....as he moves closer to me....i can see that He also has blood dripping from his head and from his hands...and from his back and from his legs and from his HEART....the blood is running down the side of the horse..HE keeps yelling...louder and louder...I LOVE YOU!!.....and in this moment the moment become un frozen.......and the troops start closing in around me.....and just when i think that iam done for....as they are beating me.....i see out of the corner of my eye....this rider.......being beaten......the rider being taken advantage of by the ememy troops....WILLINGly....the pain that i am experiencing is un bareable........i can hardly breath now.....and i can see that He is having a hard time breathing too......i dont understand....i thouight he was coming to save me.....he said that he would not let me fall into thier hands.....HES A LIAR!!!!!!!HE doesnt really love me...he is just a weakling..he got off HIS frinkin HORSE and let them beat HIM..FALSE HOPE!!!.WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!!??..doesnt he see that i am alone i am broken and being beaten...i am so stupid to have believed in HIm.....at this moment my ememy can see that i have lost all hope....and that the rider didnt come to save me....and that i am not fighting anymore....so they loose interest in beating me cause i am not doing them any harm....so they pretty much leave me on the ground...and all go over to the rider...and beat on him even harder.......so i am lying the mud....cursing the rider...some how i get enough strenght and i go over to the comotion and begin to start beating the rider......YOU didnt COME THROUGH WHEN I NEEDED YOu...you failed me..DIDNT YOU SEE THAT I CANT DO THIS ALONE...the ememy brings the rider to this cross and..the cross was on a lonely little hill......and i began to YELL>.....CRUCIFY HIM!!!!!crucify him..crucify HIM!!!!!KILL HIM!!!......HE IS A LIAR>....he told me that he was going to save my friends....he told me that i would have joy..that he would answer my prayers...i have been waiting for 6 years rider...6 hyears....thanks for coming through.....and then i spat..at this point the rider was up on the cross........i didnt even reconize him.....mangled..just when i looked up at him he looked at me......and yelled this out...FORGIVE THEM FATHER FOR THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY DO!!......just then my heart shook....and the rider was dead....HE died for me...the broken the beaten the mocker...i was the reason but he isent dead anymore.....he rose so that i would that i can prevail through all things....that death could not even hold a grip on HIm.....HE is alive and fighting..HE is praying for me and he has forgiven me so many times...cause i always think that He has forgotten cause it doesnt come in my time....